I’ve got commitment issues.
There. I said it.
I’m not talking about the sort of commitment issues you hear about in songs or read on agony aunt pages. I don’t have relationship commitment issues, in actual fact I’m very committed to my husband and my children.
It’s other stuff I find hard committing to. Like my career, places and projects.
I dilly dally, flip flap and bounce to and from all sorts of different ideas. I commit to one and then when I’ve thought about it to the point my head hurts, I back off and decide I don’t want to do it anymore.
Before now, I always saw my commitment issue as indecisiveness and I largely put that down to being a libra. The ‘indecisive libra’ who constantly weighs up the pros and cons of every decision and has a hard time choosing what to eat for lunch, let alone what to do with the rest of my life.
But what commitment and indecisiveness have in common is the fear to make the wrong decision. I don’t want to decide on something in case I fail and I don’t want to commit to something in case I fail that too.
***I’ve got a fear of failure.
I hesitate when it comes to making a decision because of the fear that I may make the wrong choice.
I don’t commit to something because of the fear that I may end up in an unsatisfying situation.
So now that I know this, now that I’ve discovered this sheep in wolf’s clothing-I can deal with it accordingly. I can conciously make choices where I won’t allow fear to stop me from moving forward and perhaps ultimately, achieve my goals.
***I had no idea I had a fear of failure until I started writing this.